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Talk:Naishō Kawahiru
Opinions? If anyone has any feedback, I'd greatly appreciate it. The good and the bad; whatever. Any criticism is welcome(: --- [[User:Illuminated Void|'Gamemaster']] (Rules) 22:13, February 18, 2011 (UTC) I can give you a bit of a quick review. First thing I see is the giant intro. It is great that you are giving that amount of detail to your character but maybe trim some of it and place it in the history section. The appearance section is great. You describe his looks in great detail and I don't even need the picture there to help me see. Personality wise, I like the level of detail but I feel that with as much as you put into it, you could probably add a little more as some details seemed glossed over. Perhaps add a few character quirks? The petrification gauntlet is an interesting idea and I like it quite a bit. I had a bit of trouble with the powers and abilities. Due to his young age, the level of his powers and abilities is a bit... much. I can understand being incredible in two or three things but to be Aizen class, possibly above at age 15 and having mastered every skill seems unrealistic. I would suggest having one skill that he just has never been able to master. The zanpakuto is very interesting. The mentally controlled free floating idea is nice, I did something similar with my character Ryo Hayate. I love the amount of description in there. The details of the transformation of the blade, the description of the abilities. Now my problem here comes from the lack of bankai. If all his other abilities are maxed, it seems odd that he does not have bankai yet. I would suggest one of two things. Either give him bankai or present a reason why he has not achieved it such as being horrible at communicating with his zanpakuto. Overall very nice character.--Ryo talk 22:47, February 18, 2011 (UTC) Review ﻿Right, I've decided to give you the review as thanks for the previous one, and for the one you'll "Hopefully" do for Hiroya. Given your own care in this field, and how thorough you were. I suppose it is only natural that I'll be just as thorough, so. Here goes something! Introduction: The introduction is appopriately lengthy. I've updated both Rutilus and Hiroya with introductions whom are basically as long as that. I like the fact that it gives some insight to his history, to his ablities and the likes. There's only really one thing which bugs me immensly. Namely his age, I think 15 years to be much too young for any Shinigami. And given his immense skills in the majority of things, well. I'm sure you can see my point. His age would work fine if this was the Naruto universe though. Though, that it ain't. Other than that, it is really good. Rating 7/10: The age does in my opinion reduce some of the believeness of it all. Thus a slightly lower grade. If his age had been somewhat older (150+ at least) then I would've rated it 9/10! I wouldn't rate it as 10/10 just because I feel that something is missing. Though I cannot understand exactly what! Appearance: I like his appearance, you've written it in great detail. Something which I always appreciate when reading. (I can picture him spinning around on display as I read. Comical, but true) I enjoy how you've described his height. As well as the other things you've written, there are a few errors here and there most note worthily is that you've written "His high" instead of "His height" - Though such cases are more or less the only ones visible. Rating 6/10: I felt like it could be a bit longer. Though I've not quite got anything to say about this, given that my own Personality/Appearance sections are shorter than this. Personality: Now, this is where I start getting engrossed, I enjoy the latent self-doupt and hidden turmoil which seems to be major factors for his emotions. The mention to his IQ is also rather helpful, though perhaps somewhat unneeded, given that you state it in in the Powers & Abilities section. I also enjoy how his personality is described as changing over the years. The notice as per his aggressiveness and his way of battle also serve to make me interested in him. I also enjoy the note that he's equal to Kenji Hiroshi in battle. Kenji is one of my favorite characters on BBF, by the way. Rating 8/10: Not the best I've seen, but one of the best ones. Invention: This little trinket is certainly interesting, and you've obviously put alot of work in it. The hint that it only works when the trinket is "Awake" Is also really neat. The idea that it uses the subjects own Spiritual Power to harm them is also a pretty interesting concept: And serves as a certain counterpoint to Shinigami Healing. I was really impressed by this. And so was quite the big amount of other people. 9/10 excellent! You might've delved into it abit further, truly. But it was still really pleasing. Powers and Abilities: Right, this is pretty extensive, so I'll have to be really.. uhm, strict here. Truth be told, I was somewhat disapointed that you've improved so many of his skills up to Master. And Grandmaster and Colossal, even. Before, he only sported "Immense Spiritual Power" but yet it was more than enough to make me enjoy the character. When you heightenend it to Colossal, I sighed slightly, but thought it to be fine. He also sported Expert in at least two fields. And he was only really a Grandmaster in Swordsmanship. I honestly enjoyed that version of him more than this new one. I do enjoy the rite of passing ritual using Hadò number 88. Though I immedeatly recognized it as a version of the Uchiha clan and the Fireball Jutsu. Hand-to-Hand combat was on Master before, I believe. I enjoyed it then, the whole term "Grandmaster" is in my opinion only valid if it is applied to only one stat. Since you've done that with two. Its lost some of its magic. Otherwise, it was detailed and well put. Right, really sorry about this part being primarily negative. But I'll get your mood up very soon! Anyhow. 4/10 is my rating in this field. Zanpakutō; Allright, this was what I loved the most of it all. His Zanpakutō is truly ingenius. I love how its ability is so powerful yet so limited. And yes, perhaps even potentially fatal (That is my favorite part) and it makes me want to roleplay with him simply based on his amazing Zanpakutō! I love how you've assigned it with so many limitations, but yet managed to give it alot of power. In a "Fair" way. This is by far the best Zanpakutō I've seen on this server. It is totally and completely original, at first I thought it to be a Konan clone. But no, I was positively very surprised! Its defensive abilities is certainly outstanding, as it is offensive capabilities. I say it again, this is one of my most favored Zanpakutō on this site. Tieing with Naibu Shizuka's Zanpakutō (And I practicaly worship that one) Rating 10/10!!! I love it! Enough said! --------------- Total rating is 44/60 Really good work on this one, except for the mentioned Age and his in my own opinions unbalanced powers and abilities. I think he has alot of potential though! And the fact that he's rather new serve to cut him a lot of slack! I'll keep him on follow up on future updates! Njalm2 19:38, February 20, 2011 (UTC) :Thank you for the review, as it was greatly appreciated. Secondly, I don't want to sound like an attention-hog or anything, but I actually created Naibu's zanpakutō, but I didn't have a character for it, so I gave it to Kenji. Anyways, thanks again! Ciao~ --- [[User:Illuminated Void|'Gamemaster']] (Rules)